Stop Waiting to Be Seen: The Shift from Silent Expectation to Authentic Leadership

It’s a sentence I’ve heard echoed in many coaching conversations—often quietly, sometimes with heat.

“They should know I’ve been carrying the team.” 

“They should know I’m ready for more responsibility.” 

“They should know I’m not okay with how I’m being treated.”

But here’s the truth: they probably don’t. 

And even if they do, they’re not acting on it.

So you wait.

You hope.

You quietly stew. 

And in the meantime, you trade your agency for frustration.

The trap of silent assumptions—and what freedom looks like

We all carry expectations of how others should behave.

• They should recognize my contributions

• They should give me more flexibility

• They should respect my time

• They should promote me without me having to ask

  
  

These are often fair, even justified. But when they remain unspoken or unmet, they quietly drain your energy and erode your clarity.

You end up:

• Feeling invisible

• Doubting your worth

• Resentful, but unsure what to do about it

  
  

And all the while, you’re still doing the work.

Still showing up.

Still hoping they’ll notice.

Let them. Let me.

Author and speaker Mel Robbins is having a moment—a Let Them moment. 

In her latest book, she encourages us to recognize and name what we’re experiencing, rather than living in the energy of our reaction.

Rather than spiraling in anger, resentment, or disappointment, you pause. 

You notice what’s happening. 

You name the pattern.

And then you choose what to do next.

Here’s how it sounds in the workplace:

Let them not recognize my effort. 

Let them underestimate me. 

Let them say no. 

Let them use me as a pawn in their power play.

Sounds challenging—maybe even like you’re rolling over? 

It’s not.

This is not passive. It’s powerful. 

You stop contorting yourself to change them. 

You stop living in a story that describes or explains them. 

You stop responding to their behavior. 

You begin centering on your own truth.

And most importantly, you determine your own Let Me:

Let me protect my energy. 

Let me recognize my own achievements. 

Let me let the “no” stand—without spinning, chasing, or proving. 

Let me choose whether I will continue participating in their power play.

That’s the move. 

That’s the moment leadership shifts from reaction to authorship.

This isn’t new wisdom—but it’s urgently needed

This kind of self-agency isn’t new—and it isn’t coming from just one voice. 

Brilliant thinkers across coaching, psychology, and leadership—like Mel Robbins, Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, and others—are naming what many of us have felt for years: 

Staying silent, stuck, or small in the name of being liked or chosen keeps us from leading with truth. 

Authentic leadership doesn’t grow in the shadows of unspoken hope. 

It grows when we claim our experience, our voice, and our next step.

The shift: Conscious leadership begins with voice

In The 15 Commitments of Conscious Leadership (by Jim Dethmer, Diana Chapman, and Kaley Warner Klemp), one of the core practices is:

“I commit to saying what is true for me.”

That means no more silent contracts.

No more hoping others will do what you’ve never voiced.

You move from expectation to intention. 

From blame to authorship. 

From waiting to choosing.

This doesn’t mean you become loud, demanding, or confrontational. 

It means you stop whispering your wants to yourself and start participating in your leadership with clarity.

In coaching, this looks like:

• Saying, “I’m ready for a new challenge,” instead of hinting

  
  

• Asking directly for feedback, support, or space—without guilt

  
  

• Noticing the story you’re telling yourself, and choosing a new one

  
  

• Reclaiming the energy you’ve spent hoping they’ll get it right

  
  

It’s not always easy. But it is liberating.

Because when you drop the expectation that others should make it easier, you create room for your own clarity and strength to rise.

Authentic leadership begins with authorship

You don’t have to wait to be seen. 

You get to show up. 

You get to lead from the truth of who you are.

Authentic leadership doesn’t ask,

“Who’s going to give me permission?” 

It asks,

“What do I need to say, claim, or release so I can lead fully?”

You don’t have to prove your worth. 

You don’t have to wait your turn. 

You just have to stop giving your power to silence.

Your Turn

Where have you been waiting for someone else to do the right thing? 

What expectation are you willing to release—and what truth are you ready to voice?

Let them be who they are.

And let you step forward.

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This post is part of Unlearning to Lead: Reclaiming the Way Forward for Women in Leadership—a blog series exploring the invisible rules many women carry, and what it takes to lead from authenticity instead of adaptation.

Linda coaches high-achieving women, drawing from 20+ years of leadership, including confidential executive advising and Chief of Staff roles. As a certified executive coach (PCC), she empowers women to move beyond self-doubt, cultivating leadership presence and sustainable rhythms for fulfillment.