When Fear Means Freedom: The Shift Into Authentic Leadership

The discomfort you feel might be the beginning of alignment.

Ever felt a strange resistance right when you were about to say yes to something new—something big, aligned, liberating?

It was your idea. Your timing. You even said you wanted it. You checked all the boxes. But when the moment came, your stomach dropped. Your breath caught. Your mind got loud.

You labeled it fear.

And maybe it was.

But maybe—just maybe—it was also the feeling of your system bracing for freedom.

Not All Fear Means Stop

Most of us were taught that fear is a red light. A warning. A signal to pause, prepare, or pull back. That’s not wrong— fear is wise.

It warns of danger and sometimes that danger is a sign of expansion.

It’s what Martha Beck calls the “ring of fire”: the discomfort that arises right before transformation. It’s the part of you that says where I’m headed doesn’t match what I’ve known… even if it matches what I want.

And that mismatch? It can feel threatening, especially when you’ve spent a lifetime contorting yourself to be safe, credible, or acceptable.

Internalized Safety ≠ Internal Alignment

For many women, the rules of leadership were inherited, not chosen. You learned early to prove your value by being accommodating, polished, and over-prepared. You learned to fear rocking the boat because you saw what happened to women who didn’t play by the rules or you’ve been mentored by those who learned the lessons.

And now, even as you evolve and step more fully into your own leadership, those early lessons still hum in the background.

That hum isn’t your intuition. It’s your conditioning.

It’s the echo of the too:

“Don’t stand out too much.” 

“Don’t be too direct.” 

“Don’t want too much.” 

“Don’t claim too much space.”

But here's the quiet truth: following that script may keep you safe, but it won't keep you whole.

Shedding the Skin of Who You Were Told to Be: Unlearning Leadership

There’s a specific tension that arises when you stop performing leadership and start embodying it. When you stop acting like the version of yourself that’s been shaped by survival—and begin trusting the one shaped by truth.

That tension feels risky. It might even feel like fear.

But it’s often the precise signal that you're moving closer to freedom.

Because freedom doesn’t always feel good at first. It can feel unfamiliar. Unstable. Even lonely.

It’s the feeling of stepping out of the role you were rewarded for, and into the identity that was always yours—but rarely seen.

The Leadership Reframe: From Performance to Presence

This is where many women pause. 

Not because they’re incapable. 

But because they’re unlearning who they had to be to succeed.

They’re noticing the habits of hyper-vigilance, the pressures of being palatable, the emotional labor of translating themselves to be understood.

They’re realizing that leadership isn’t about assimilation—it’s about congruence.

And sometimes that congruence feels like a free fall.

But the more you practice standing in alignment, the more that dizzy feeling turns into grounded clarity. Not performative confidence, but something steadier: presence.

What Freedom Feels Like

Freedom might feel like saying something without explaining it three different ways first.

Like showing up without buffering your joy or ambition. 

Like letting someone else carry the emotional labor.

Like choosing the next step that honors you, even if others don’t understand it yet.

It also feels like you don’t care about how you are perceived for making these choices.

And yes—freedom might feel like fear.

But not the kind that says stop. 

The kind that says this is different, and that’s okay.

A Note From Me

I’ve seen this moment again and again in the women I coach—and in myself. The moment when the desire for authenticity brushes up against old survival strategies. When something new begins to emerge, not just professionally, but personally, too.

It’s vulnerable. It’s powerful. And it matters.

Because your leadership doesn’t have to be inherited. 

It can be chosen. 

And it can be free.

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This post is part of Unlearning to Lead: Reclaiming the Way Forward for Women in Leadership — a blog series exploring the invisible rules many women carry, and what it takes to lead from authenticity instead of adaptation.

Linda Rhoads coaches high-achieving women, drawing from 20+ years of leadership, including confidential executive advising and Chief of Staff roles. As a certified executive coach (PCC), she empowers women to move beyond self-doubt, cultivating leadership presence and sustainable rhythms for fulfillment.

✨ Discover how to lead and live on your terms. 

Connect with Linda on LinkedIn or visit The Soul Spot for more insights.